The Flood Waters without the Thunder and Lightning

I have no problem having sex. This must be made clear. My problem lies in the lack of conclusion. There is no pinnacle of excitement and definitely no big bang. The waters down south do begin flowing and clearly I am aroused physiologically, but the lighting never strikes and the thunder never shakes my body.

My SO does not have any problem having an orgasm. Sometimes his experience is so intense, he is completely dumbfounded. His is like a huge release and is accompanied by the blowing of a huge load. Sometimes this splatters in my mouth, across my body, or reservoirs in the tip of a condom. I can tell by the look on his face that he is happy.

I want this experience too. I want a magnificent orgasm that I can revel in for a few moments. But rarely do orgasms happy, let alone mind blowing experiences. I no longer masturbate because all it does is frustrate me by not producing an end result. Sometimes while my SO is doing all the right things, my body is just throbbing but the lightning never strikes. This great feeling of being on the edge of something grand eventually takes it toll and becomes painful and I have to ask him to stop. I know he is doing all the right things; He spends a great deal of time stroking me, rubbing me, nuzzling me, and sucking on me to no avail. It gets to a point where I just want him to thrust in me and get it over with.

It is a source of great frustration to me, but I know it is a burden to him also. He feels as though he is performing inadequately. But it truly is not him. This is all on my shoulders. I have had this problem for a while; before it was only when men were working on me that the end was never in sight. Now I cannot even get my own rocks off. It is a shame.

If anyone has any suggestions, please say something. Frustration and anger are obviously not helping. Also going off meds does not seem feasible, but if that is the cause, I might have to. I want some fucking lightning.

Please Use the Backdoor...

From what I gather by reading a variety of post online, anal sex is gaining popularity because of how taboo the practice still is. From my own personal knowledge of the subject I can think of three main reasons it is so taboo.

Hygiene is probably the first reason I can think of why anal sex is considered a bad thing. It is true; a great deal of bacteria does pass through the anus in the form of feces. However as long as the area is cleaned and whatever objects that enters the anus enters no other part of the body, the risk of spreading bacteria drops significantly. Also wearing a condom helps maintain a cleaner safer experience.

Another reason anal sex is so taboo is probably because is more dangerous than vaginal penetration. The walls of the rectum are softer and more easily damaged than those of the vagina. In addition, the pushing of an object through the two sphincter muscles (which old things in) can be quite painful and also create quite a bit of tearing. Any opening of the skin puts the receiver at greater risk of infection and the transmission of STIs. But these tears, on their own, can become issues. They can increase in size and depth, creating fissures and fistulas. Wounds like these can cause infection and break down in surrounding tissues leading to feces being evacuated through openings that feces should not pass through.

But the real taboo nature, I believe, comes more from the culture we are brought up in. Many religions consider anal sex a sin because it has no real procreative value and is often the practice of homosexual males. Growing up Catholic did not have a stifling result on my sexuality, but I do know how my religion interprets sex. It should only be penile-vaginal intercourse because that is the only way two people can procreate; procreation is the only purpose for sexual intercourse. Sodomy is mentioned often in the Bible in the terms of sinning. People consider this fact the reason not even to try anal sex. They consider it a grave violation of everything God has said and created. I do not agree. I do not believe that God would let something be pleasurable if it was a deadly sin. I believe more along the lines that the reason sodomy is a sin is because it was a practice that could be found outside of those who worshipped God in ancient times. The believers in God could use this fact to place themselves about the “pagan” and “heathen” sinners.

I recently read an autobiography by Toni Bentley called The Surrender: An Erotic Memoir that discusses this taboo topic in great detail. In this book, Bentley describes how she was an atheist and found God through anal sex. I enjoyed the book, despite the author’s apparent mental and emotional health problems. She made some valid points about the enjoyment anal sex. She mentioned it is not for everyone, and if it causes one severe pain and bleeding, one should most definitely not do it. I agree with this sentiment completely.

Another huge factor that goes into having enjoyable anal sex is trust and communication. If the receiver is not communicating with the giver, damage is inevitable. If the giver is pushing to hard and too fast, the receiver needs to speak up and suggest maybe a more gentle approach. A more gentle thrust decreases tearing and pain, making the whole experience for the receiver more pleasant. Also, the giver can experience quite an intense orgasm from slow thrusting. Fighting the urge to jam and ram it all in there really creates quite a release. From reports of guys I know, they say it is quite a mind blowing experience doing it slowly and not as savage.

The act also involves a lot of trust. One has to be able to trust that the giver will listen to their desires and will stop if necessary. If this trust is not present, the receiver may become tense, tightening the muscles in the area, making penetration all the more painful and dangerous. If a person trust their lover, relaxation will occur, which in turn makes most experimentation easier and less stressful.

Overall I do not oppose anal sex. I believe it can be quite enjoyable if both participants are on the same page. So please, enter by the back door only if you and your partner are in a good, solid, open, and intimate relationship.

YES!!!!!!!!

So this past weekend I had my first orgasm in quite some time. I was riding my SO while it happened, and then I just kept going to he could ejaculate all over my back. The lack of orgasms is not the fault of my SO; it really is my fault. The medications I am on makes it harder to have an orgasm (but not harder to become aroused). I just wanted to share my joy. I promise I will return to a more philosophical stance on coitus next week.

Oh Rapunzel, Rapunzel, May I Pull Thy Hair

Some believe that the payment for vanity is to lose that source of pride. I know this all too well. My hair was my crowning feature. I held it above all else. I was quite vain about my appearance and my hair was the greatest embodiment of my vanity. But then I became ill. My body began to wither away. Yet my hair remained strong and shiny. My hair was the last part of my exterior that felt the toll malnutrition was taking on my body. When it began to fall out I was devastated. I even cut it off to hope that the loss would stop. However the hair loss increased. I was effectively going bald. Now, as of writing this I have a very thin pony tail.

My hair was an integral part of who I was. It was long and luminous. It graced my lower back with its natural beauty. My luscious hair was not only beautiful but strong, strong enough to put Rapunzel to shame. Slowly I pray that this new hair growth I am experiencing will return my beautiful prized possession.

This sudden hair loss and lack of glorious locks has impeded my sex life. My hair took a paramount position when it came to attracting my partners. My long hair helped showcase my “exotic” facial features and highlight the thinness of my face. Now I keep it pulled back to hide my unattractive mullet (yes you read right MULLET). I cannot run fingers through it to display my desire to be approached and caressed. Flipping my hair around is no longer a viable option for arousing men (and some women *wink*). The worst part besides being less attractive is the sex. I cannot lie their, writhing in pleasure with my hair spread out behind me like some angelic halo. And being called a cum slut while sliding my lips along a hard cock is not the same without the affectionate hair tug. Hair pulling really puts me in my place; my complete submission is demanded by this tool. I am subjected to his will while he has a fist full of my hair wrapped around his hand twice. The pain serves as a motivator for me to please. I become more eager to please with every tug, yank, and gentle stroke. I would even be willing to be dragged around by my hair.

The fantasy most impeded by this lack of luscious glowing hair is my Rapuzel fantasy. I have the desire to be like Rapunzel, locked away alone waiting for a man to come and fuck me silly. He would call for my to lower my hair, so he could tug on it as he hoisted himself up into my bed chamber. His thanks for a heroic rescue would be he could have me to be his. With all that hair, the pulling and the tugging and the riding would be fantastic. He would be able to pound me from behind and grad a fist full of that hair and give his thrusting an added punch.

But this is not an option at the current time. Sad, but true. So until my hair returned to its full gorgeous self, I will be longing to hear “Rapunzel, Rapunzel, may I pull your hair.”

Wanting Intense Role Play?

When role playing, both partners have to be in character, or the passion and excitement is lost. I found this out this past Saturday while I went to my SO’s apartment in my plaid skirt and fishnets. I was innocent school girl going to the principal’s office for uniform violations. However, my SO totally did not get into his role as he should have. It was under-stimulating for me.

So now the question is, how do I approach the situation? Do I talk to him about how he needs to get more involved in the fantasy? Or do I just try again?

Personally, I believe he just has not had much experience with women who want to role play and want to be degraded while being fucked. Sometimes I can see he is kind of intimidated by my experience in the realm of role play and bondage. Hopefully he will come around and I will be able to be my usual self in the bedroom.

Increase Your Attractiveness Rating 3 Points: Swallow

On a radio show played in the area in which I lived a man called in to report to the DJ how his girlfriend who was “like a 5” swallows and how because she swallowed she became “like an 8.” My SO was tempted to call in and tell the DJ and through the airwaves this other guy that with that logic I must be like a 12. When my SO told me this, I must say my confidence went crashing through the roof. But in the back of my mind, I began to mull over the question: “Does swallowing while giving head make one more attractive?”

My one friend, who I was once involved with said most definitely yes. To him swallowing is a very desired trait for a variety of reasons. As he said himself in this conversation:

“well if you think about it, spiting is a socially frowned upon activity in general
and you do it so well lol
also men prefer a women who swallows it's less messy, it continues the oral sex, and it shows she cares more
So mentally a man would register that at lest subconsciously”

From this, one could almost assume he has greater respect and is willing to show more affection for someone who swallows.

Another friend of mine (who once again I was involved with) says he feels it doesn’t necessarily boost attractiveness, but rather desirability. So to see if this difference is more than mere semantics I consulted Mr. Merriam-Webster. Attractiveness is the quality of arousing interest or pleasure while desirability is the quality of having pleasing attributes or properties. So in reality, the two qualities are not the same. But even with that said, my friend would probably go for someone who swallows over someone who doesn't, despite the latter's attributes.

I personally just enjoy the pleasure it brings my partner when I swallow. Once I lapped cum out of the palm of a lover’s hand. He was in complete awe of me for a few seconds at least. And in truth, that made me so incredible happy and made me feel quite good about myself. Yes, while giving head, it can feel degrading. But that is why I like to do it and I think that is why I swallow. Because in the end, I’m the one who ends up with the power. I have the power to make him cum and make him squirm a little. Personally, I think that makes it worth it.

Am I Kinky?

When ever engaging in sexual activities, the word kinky comes up. I find that I am forced to ponder what kinky really means in general and specifically in my life. So what is kinky?

According to Mr. Merriam-Webster Dictionary, kinky is an adjective with three possible meanings: closely twisted or curled, relating to, having, or appealing to unconventional tastes especially in sex or also sexually deviant, and finally outlandish or far out. Well there it is folks, unconventional sexual practices that could be considered deviant. Anyone who has taken a sociology class knows that deviance is basically not following the norms set by society.

But what is truly unconventional? Is role playing unconventional? If so, then I am unconventional. Is washing the dishes while being pounded from behind kinky? If so then I am kinky. Is talking on the phone with my lover while he is getting a blow job from another girl so all three of us can get off deviant? If so, then I guess I am also deviant.

Okay, so I have to admit I might be a little kinky. But I have met and slept with people whose tastes are quite unconventional, even by my standards. I have also slept with people who are pretty vanilla, where they don’t stray from the same 5 sex positions.

So how do we as people know if we are kinky? How can we introduce ourselves as kinky and have our sexual partner know if that really matches what they desire? I fear by labeling myself as kinky, I will draw people who expect something totally different from sexual activities than I do. I have read a book called Fetish that describes BDSM and other “unconventional” sexual practices, offers definitions for the vocabulary of “kinky” sex practices, and mentions tools of the trade. From this book, I learned more about the practices I like and acquired some ideas. The book was very informative and I quite enjoyed reading it. Based on the content in the book, I would assume my brand of kinky is rather tame. And this, I suppose, is how I would describe myself to perspective lovers.